Grief can seem especially hard at Christmas. It can seem like everywhere you turn, there are pictures of happy, smiling families and excited, bouncy children. Whether your children are navigating their first Christmas without a loved one, or Christmas is stirring up some older feelings of grief, our resources are here to help. Let's take a look at our grief pack and our tips below.
Christmas can be extremely hard without the people we love. Grief is such a complex emotion that adults find hard to navigate and understand, never mind children who may not understand death and loss.
With such a strong focus on family, it can be hard to avoid certain triggers too - from emotional tv adverts to poignant music and family-focused films - that loss can certainly feel greater at Christmas time.
How to help your children cope with grief at Christmas
Understand that everyone grieves differently
Grief never completely goes away, but some days may be easier than others. If you are grieving too, don't be surprised if your children aren't mirroring your emotions. Be attentive to everyone's needs, including your own and understand that everyone will have their own ways of coping. Help your children to understand that all feelings are normal and valid, and that emotions can change from day to day.
Don't feel bad or guilty if you and your children enjoy themselves
Guilt is a natural part of grief, help your children to understand the stages of grief and reaffirm that whilst all feelings are normal, they have nothing to feel guilty about. If they find themselves enjoying certain activities or parts of Christmas, let them know it's ok to feel happy and still miss their loved one.
Find special ways to remember your loved one, perhaps it's starting a new tradition
Commemorating your loss can help you to process your grief and feel more in control. Is there a new tradition you can start to remember the person that should be celebrating with you? Perhaps it's lighting a candle on Christmas Eve, or making a tree decoration with their name on - you could even get your children involved and ask for their ideas too.
Talk as a family and encourage open communication
Grief is complex and hard, keep open the channels of communication in your household. Your children may have lots of questions and worries. Let them know that they can come to you if they have something on their mind. If you are grieving, talk about how you feel too - communication goes both ways and this will let them know that expressing ourselves is a healthy way to heal.
Don't feel you have to keep your emotions at bay
As parents we sometimes think that we have to 'be strong' and show that we are in control of our emotions, but actually, letting your emotions out in front of your children can be an excellent way of helping them heal too - especially if your grief is shared. Let your children know that you feel the same as them and that emotions are better explored than hidden.
Don't 'keep busy' to avoid emotions or feelings
Don't feel like you have to pack your days full of Christmas outings or activities to avoid feeling your feelings. It is much healthier to identify and respond to emotions as they appear than allow them to build up underneath the surface. If you want to keep busy and do all the activities, that's great, but don't do it just to distract yourself and your children from their grief. Exploring and acknowledging your grief is the best way to help yourselves heal and ensure it doesn't worsen further down the line.
Use our resources to explore feelings and the stages of grief
We have over 400 mental health resources to help your children communicate and manage their thoughts and worries, including our new Grief at Christmas pack. We'll have a look at the activities from this pack below.
My Grief Bauble
Fill the bauble with all your thoughts and feelings.
How this helps your children: This activity gives your children space and focus to acknowledge their emotions and thoughts. This can be an extremely powerful way to bring to the surface any worries or fears they may have around loss, death and missing their loved one. Writing these down can also be a therapeutic way to clear the mind from all those muddling and confusing thoughts. It can also act as a great discussion point for children who may not feel they are able to express themselves very easily.
Make a Grief Wreath
Make a wreath by cutting out the circle and sticking on the leaves and berries. Then, in the stars have your child write a coping technique and stick to their Grief Wreath.
How this activity helps children: Helps children to explore and find coping techniques that work for them and that they can put into action when they start to feel upset, angry or worried. The mindful art of building the wreath also helps your child to feel relaxed and calm.
Gratefulness in Grief
Our grateful scarf is warm and comforting, have your children write down the things they are grateful for and then imagine the scarf wrapping around them to help keep them safe and warm.
How this helps your children: Gratefulness helps us to feel good. This activity specifically asks your children to find things they are grateful for in their grief - it could be someone who has helped them, a book or something they have found comforting. Although this activity won't heal your child's grief, focusing on the good things around them can help them to feel safe and supported.
Dear Santa, I Feel...
Santa has a magical ability to understand every emotion in the world. If your child is struggling to tell you how they feel, can they write it down in a letter to Santa instead?
Why this activity helps children: Children may sometimes feel as though they don't want to tell you everything, they may not want to worry or upset you. Writing a letter to Santa may encourage your children to write down something that's on their mind that you can then begin to help them with. Writing down our feelings helps us to make sense of them and can bring a sense of relief.
My Healing Recipe
My Healing Recipe is all about helping our children feel in control and helping them to think about what can help them during their healing process.
Why this activity helps children: This activity allows your child to think about what can help them during their healing journey - perhaps it's feeling loved and supported, or maybe it's an object or a comforting toy. This will help you to ensure that you can meet your child's needs too. Not only this, but this activity helps your child to go easier on themselves by realising that they will not feel better overnight and that actually, there is a lot of help and support.
My Grief Tracker
Track your child's grief with our grief tracker - have them create a colour key at the bottom, then log their feelings each day.
How this activity helps your children: Tracking and identifying emotions helps us to mange them more effectively. Over time, you will be able to see if your child's mental health is improving or worsening.
Memory Lane
Help children to remember their loved one by taking a trip down our Memory 'Candy Cane' Lane.
How this activity helps your children: Help children to discuss their loss in a healthy way with this activity - instead of burying feelings and thoughts, thinking of happy memories and ways we can commemorate our loss helps children to process their grief.
Coping at Christmas
We know that everyone copes differently and things that help us may not help others. Have your children think about what helps them cope and write them in our Christmas tree.
How this activity helps your children: Again, this activity helps your children feel a sense of control in all the confusion of grief by thinking of four activities to do when they feel they are struggling. When they feel sad, angry or frustrated, they can put into action their coping plan to help them feel better.
My Christmas Remembrance Candle
Loss feels greater at Christmas and it can be a time that your children wish they could talk to their loved one. If they could talk to them what would they say? They can write down their message on our candle and then colour in the flame to light it.
How this activity helps your children: This activity helps your child to say what they want to say, even if it's not directly to the person, they will still feel a sense of accomplishment and relief by getting it down on paper and off their mind. Lighting a candle to remember a loved one is used in many faiths and is a way to honour a person who has passed, it helps us to feel active and in control, rather than passive in our grief.
You can download our Grief at Christmas pack from the Be Happy Hub now, as well as lots of other grief-related and mental health resources for children and adults. Not a member? You can sign up from just £1.99 here.
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